Tips for Getting Through a High-Conflict Divorce

Couples ending their marriage are usually well-advised to compromise and strike a fair deal to expedite the process, so that both parties can move on with their lives. However, some people treat divorce like a war, seemingly convinced that blaming the other spouse is the way to achieve a material benefit. Such behavior makes for a high-conflict divorce.

A high-conflict divorce is characterized by negative conduct by either spouse, whether intentional or not, that can interfere with the legal process and cause emotional turmoil. Some common characteristics of high-conflict divorces include:

• Delaying or refusing to disclose financial information
• Threatening or bullying the other spouse
• Publicly blaming and shaming the other spouse
• Arguing over minor or inconsequential issues
• Using child custody and visitation as bargaining chips
• Rallying family members or friends to take sides

If your spouse engages in any of these aggressive or irrational behaviors, it is important to remain calm and not get drawn into conflict. The following are guidelines to help you get through the divorce process when the other party is overly combative:

• Physical security — If there are any threats of violence, you should take measures to physically secure yourself and your children. Improving security might entail installing cameras and new door locks on the house. All threats or other suspicious actions should be taken seriously, reported to the police and thoroughly documented.
• Mental well-being — Some divorce litigants are prone to a range of emotionally abusive behaviors. Lying, blaming, shaming and gaslighting are possible. This conduct is of course frustrating and infuriating. If you encounter such actions, you should minimize contact with your spouse. Most communications in the divorce should be handled by the lawyers.
• Protect the children — Some people drag the children into divorce proceedings. They may try to weaponize the kids and turn them against the other spouse. It is best to shield the children from divorce proceedings as much as possible. In addition, a child might benefit from seeing a therapist or counselor.
• Avoid social media — Some divorce litigants seek to try their cases in the court of public opinion. They will air their real and imagined grievances on social media. This will almost assuredly not be helpful. Do not discuss the case on social media even if the other spouse does.
• Document misconduct — You should keep written and, if possible, audio or video records of your spouse’s misbehavior. These records might be helpful both during and after the divorce proceedings. In appropriate cases, a family court judge may intervene to stop any misconduct while the case is pending.

The Law Offices of Randy S. Margulis serves clients in divorce and family law matters throughout the greater metropolitan Buffalo, New York area. Contact us online or call 716-886-9600 to schedule a free initial consultation.