Search Site
Menu
How to Talk to Your Kids About Divorce

Divorce can be harder on your children than it is on you.  Marital difficulties disrupt all relationships, and a failure to recognize your children’s feelings may set a negative pattern that they will carry with them for the rest of their lives. Talking to children about divorce is not easy, but the following suggestions may help you and your kids emerge from this difficult transitional period with an even stronger relationship.

  • Maintain open lines of communication. Sit with your children at eye level and allow them to tell you about their feelings, resentments and/or confusion.  Don’t dismiss their opinions, and don’t expect all emotional issues to be resolved at the end of one meeting.  Speak to your spouse about how and when the divorce announcement will be made and try to do it together.
  • Avoid loyalty battles.  Children don’t need to know all the details of the breakup.  Focus on how the divorce affects them. Use the term “we” instead of “I” to avoid blaming language, and allow your children to ask questions.  Re-direct their why questions with responses that focus on respecting other people’s need to change, giving people freedom to work out their own issues, and the importance of not drawing them into your disagreements with your spouse.
  • Minimize disruptions.  Be an active listener.  Turn off the television and cell phone and give your child your undivided attention.  When making custody arrangements, do your best to create the least disruption possible in your children’s daily routines — even if this is inconvenient for you.
  • Shift the focus to one-on-one relationships.  Post-divorce relationships with children shift from the family togetherness to more one-on-one activities. Relish this opportunity to connect with your child in a whole new way.
  • Follow up.  For the children of divorce, divorce is a lifelong process.  As they grow and mature, they have new questions and issues that need to be addressed.  Be sure to check in with them from time to time.
  • Get help when needed. There is no shame in getting outside help. You may be surprised at the insights expert counseling may provide.

When a marriage falls apart, it is easy to get self-absorbed by focusing on the material aspects of property division and the logistics of custody. Divorce is more than that. If you are looking for divorce assistance in New York, we can help you restructure your life — just don’t forget your children in the process.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Randy S. Margulis Attorney Photo
Randy S. Margulis
Member

As a Buffalo divorce lawyer for 25 years, I have devoted myself to solving the problems that affect families throughout the Buffalo metropolitan area and Western New York. As a family law attorney, I make it my goal to create a partnership of trust with my clients. People put their trust in me to handle cases that can potentially have a long-lasting impact on not only their lives, but the lives of their family as well.

Reviews & Ratings
  • lawyers
    5.0/5.0

    Randy Margulis is knowledgable of Domestic Law, dedicated, responsive, personable, aggressive and effective. I came to him on a friend's recommendation as well as Randy's reputation, and during the initial consultation I liked his approach and track ...

    Read more

    Client

  • lawyers
    5.0/5.0

    Found Mr. Margulis to be a very organized and professional individual to work with. He is well-respected by his peers and is spoken of highly, I believe this helped with my divorce and made things go smoothly. I would highly recommend his services ...

    Read more

    Client

  • lawyers
    5.0/5.0

    Randy is very firm and effective in court while empathetic to his clients. I am a domestic violence victim, and Randy made me feel safe and protected. My financial award was more than I envisioned it to be when I started my divorce. I can't thank ...

    Read more

    Client

  • lawyers
    5.0/5.0

    Mr Margulis was one of the nicest attorneys I have ever had the privilege to speak to. He knows what he is doing and saying. I chose him because he was reassuring, respectful and understanding. He made my divorce easy, without regret and civil.I appr...

    Read more

    Client

  • lawyers
    5.0/5.0

    Randy was referred to me. I am so glad I chose him to represent me. He was efficient and extremely knowledgeable. I would recommend him to anyone and have recommended him to a friend of a friend.

    Read more

    Client

See all reviews
AWARDS
BUFFALO / WESTERN NY
  • Niagara
  • Tonawanda
  • Amherst
  • Cheektowaga
  • Hamburg
  • Lancaster
  • Orchard Park
  • West Seneca
  • Akron
  • Batavia
  • Clarence
  • Kenmore
  • Lockport
Contact us

Quick Contact Form